mockturtle (hellblazer06) wrote,

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crash and burn

Hey there. Just had a minute's silence for the last ANZAC. Kinda sad, as living history passes into myth. There's no one alive anymore to say how it really was. Not going to get into the importance of the ANZAC legacy here, other than to say it was Australia's red badge of courage.

Back onto more mundane matters, like my boring life. By yesterday afternoon I was actually peevish about having to watch Stargate instead of drooling over Lex in dubious songvids. Especially the one that features the Starbucks porn. See Lex have sex with a cup of coffee. I can't believe they decided that was the take to use. God, what must he have done in the other takes?

Managed to make a complete fool of myself at work, again. My problem solving ability, the one thing I'd prided myself on, has gone since last year and I can't hide it any more. I fear I'm going to lose this job because I just can't think around corners and I need to. I have to. I can't even think to look up a phone number online. Aside from the humiliation it scares me, that my brain hasn't come back online. I can't live this stupid. It might be fine for other folks, but not me. I can't bear it. I was in tears about it when I got home.

Didn't help that I was in a bus crash on the way home, again. I've lost count of the number of bus prangs I've been in. Much tearing and rending of metal but no injuries, just the usual bump and grind. I was fretting over work and how stupid am I to worry more over my ability to write fic than my ability to do my job with any degree of competency (the fact that I've been nominated for fic awards for the first time ever is testimony to how pedestrian I've become, though it's lovely to have friends willing to stuff ballots on my behalf) and the bus was jolting around savagely and I was thinking I need a good hard slap to get myself in order and we'll hit something if he doesn't slow down and - crash, grind. Ran straight into/over a car that was foolishly trying to reverse park on the main road at peak hour. Half an hour later we were on our way again but I still felt dreadful about everything. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Though if I was given steady drudge admin work I'm sure I could get my skills back up to at least average. I should have stayed at my old job because at least then it was my site, my responsibility and I could take out old files and tinker with them, bring them up to speed, as an excercise to keep my skills up.

So by the time I got home it was just about Stargate time anyway. Too bad it was the bratty Cassandra episode. Not one of my favourites and it's so hard to watch, especially Daniel. It's like Dead Man Walking. All very depressing and not conducive to fic writing though such upsets usually lead to writing. Now it was just Stargate, then me crashing. Oh, and an evil mime on the Powerpuff Girls while I was having dinner. That did amuse me. Powerpuff Girls and cheap red wine. Hey, it's either that or me on a roof with a rifle. J



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