The very thing, as it turns out. Oh, I had so much fun. Dominic Cooper and Rufus Sewell being sexy, magnificent bastards. Oh yeah, I went off to see Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, and you know what? It was bloody fun. The title says it all. It's very silly, but done with such po faced panache. And still way more plot, characterisation and actual acting than Magic Mike. (Hell, an insurance ad...)
Anyhoo, spoilers ahoy (below) if you're planning on seeing this, and you should, because it's a romp. Actually saw the 3D version, and I usually go miles (and miles) out of my way to avoid it because 3D doesn't work for me, at all, and I end up spending a miserable couple of hours squinting at blurry screens and getting a migraine so I just don't, really don't, and I'd been so hyped on the Dominic and Rufus I didn't even check or realise until I was handed the dread glasses at the door. But it worked. I finally got a pair of 3D glasses that worked (and damn straight I nicked 'em, to reuse now I have the sacred 3D glasses that actually work) so I had lucious Dominic and Rufus in 3D. Oh, what fun. Yum yum.
We started with Joseph Mawle, which pleased me, as, reading Persuasion, I'd been thinking of him that morning, then we move on (plots! characters!) to meet up with Dominic, self loathing vampire stud (there's always one, isn't there), who trains young Abe to weild his mighty axe, and it's hilarious but done so well. There's some mighty fine axe fu going down.
So Abe gets himself a Scooby Gang and makes with the vampire slayage and the big revenge moment that features the most bonkers horse chase ever (no cgi horses, etc, etc). Then we're off to the deep south with Rufus being everything Lestat simply wasn't, and it's just so perfect, the vines, the swamps, the bats, it's all proper, you know? It's what I want, what I expect and what I get. I do love a film that delivers, with extra sparkly sprinkles on top.
Horrified by evil vampire slave owners, Abe goes into politics, but is drawn back into the fight (a little thing called the civil war) and it's all so OTT but I loved it. I loved the fight atop the speeding train heading towards the burning bridge. I loved the 'other railway' all those ex slaves and refugees we saw doing the Gone With the Wind exodus that were actually carrying the silverware to the battles lines at Gettysburg , the better to kill vampires with (the shot of the cannon loaded with Abe's forks was so cool, and reminded me very much of a similiar scene in some Patrick O'Brian book). So the brave union soldiers take down the evil vampire confederates. Huzzah! So silly, but I did have kinfolk at Gettysburg, in case you think I'm being too frivilous, it was just done with such verve, I've rarely seen battles done better (real history and real lives nothwithstanding, the film, in its own way, does pay tribute).
Then Abe is off to the theatre. Oh dear. That's the problem with biographical pieces (the folks on Smash were most vexed in how to give Marilyn an upbeat ending). So we end with Henry again (the delicious Dominic), recruiting another boy in a bar (cough cough).
I have to say, I had fun. So much fun. That's what I want, smouldering Brit boys gnashing the scenery when the job requires it. Smouldering Brit boys in 19thC finery (drool, slobber). Just to help me forget days like today, just for an hour and a bit.
Abe was fun, too. Loved the axe rifle. How sexy and steampunky, you dead president, you. I kind of liked it. Abe kind of kicked arse without needing to add vampire slaying to his resume, but it was very cool.
Loved the interview at the end, when asked which current world leader they thought could take on vampires, and they (actor and writer) both said Putin without a moment's hesistation. Heh. Quite.
Afterwards, it was raining, not just raining, but bitter cold and coming in hard and sideways. By the time I finally got home, 100km away, it was all still and moon and stars and dry as a bone, while I was still damp and dripping. Quite the commute, which is why I don't do it more often, alas.
I'm gonna pay, flu-wise, but it was worth it. Oh yes, worth it.
And I'm with the Popcorn Taxi guy on film critics giving it a drubbing (the same wankers who bigged up Magic Mike, by and by). No sense of humour. Only see this film if you're hip to Buffy style mash ups (Buffy of course being a deliberate and playful inversion of standard horror film tropes).
It's no mumbling kitchen sinker with alarmingly insular Americans. No, this American has a mission, he knows what's right, and what must be done (so far so mythological). Okay, so it's not much of a historical drama either, and a great deal is swept by so we can get to the good bits, but, hey, it's a vampire film, not a documentary (and have you seen what they screen on the History channel these days? Those shows make ALVH look positively doctoral) and some of the bits with Martha didn't really work for me as she seems to become a mere dusting of bookshelves cipher in the middle bits, which is a pity as she begins and ends the film more than a match for anyone (men and marriage as vampires, discuss). But hey, at least I knew her motivation (all together now: Stand By Your Maaaaaaaaaan....).
And did I mention Dominic and Rufus (being not very Zen, ha ha) were the sex? Just in case you missed it. Do not ask me how men in frock coats can be far more va-va-voom than the near naked frolics of Magic Mike, but it is so. They call it the Darcy effect these days, or something like it. Clothes do maketh the man. And what clothes. Sigh.
PM update. Day is so very bloody blah, but you know you're a hysterical woman in sore need of the soothing hands of Hugh Dancy when an email advertising itself as 'Y-Grinder and M-Cups' pops into your inbox and you're not thinking kitchenware.
This is the company that sold me the exquisite NinjaBread Men, in case you're wondering how I ended up on the mailing list.
Still, such a filthy mind. When is Magic Mike coming out on dvd? Plot, what plot, but I think its true value may lie in prudent and precise use of the pause button. Quite possibly. Perhaps.
Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter - Official Trailer (HD)
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