mockturtle (hellblazer06) wrote,


Watching a double feature of Hunger and Bronson is something so sane person should ever do to themselves, yet that's how it ended up on Saturday. I was just watching Hunger but when it finished I flipped around the channels looking for something a touch cheerier and found Bronson instead. So it goes. Weird film, like bad Oz film weird, but Mr Hardy was compelling.

As was the Fass in his fillums. Tried to take it quietly, and it was hot, so I also indulged in Centurion and Jane Eyre. A somewhat diverse and ecclectic fare, but that's Fassy for you.

The Centurion was another hash of the old Ninth legion story (and one day, one day, I lament, I'll see a proper version of Eagle of the Ninth) and though I'm no fan of the flying limbs school of film making (less is always more) it was a Neil Marshall film so I knew what I was getting going in, and, as always, it's the same sort of plot (squaddies, picked off one by one, in as gruesome a fashion as possible) but always weirdly with the topping cast, this time treating me with Fassy, David Morrissey, Liam Cunnigham and a very weasel-ly JJ. Oh, and Dominic West and Noel Clarke, but they were kind of dicks and deserved what they got.

There was scenery, too. Apparently filmed around Aviemore, which is why it looked so familiar. That's the landscape I catch the train through when I go up to visit the rellies. Impressive, no? Actors are big girl's blouses, though, because I've seen Germans get off the train to walk up those mountains, in socks. Those are my Uncle's mountain's btw. I can't say more than that but they are.

So, cute Roman squaddies pursued through the ancestrals by blue painted savages. Technically, I should be siding with the cranky native peoples, but it was Fassy. Ah, well. The historian in my is still fuming over the complete lack of actual Pictish art, and Hadrian's Wall. It is right there people. You can go and see it. There is no excuse, ever, for getting it wrong, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't made out of breeze blocks. Harumph.

Also, as per a review I read for something else in the paper, but it applies all over the place: the voice over, the last refuge of the untalented scriptwriter.

Jane Eyre. Still not as good as the Toby Stephens version, possibly because I just don't buy the attraction twixt Jane and a particularly bi-polar and spikey Rochester, or that there's ever been a hint of a relationship or connection before the big scenes and big declarations (also, as per my tweet, is it really me or does Fassy's beard start to come adrift of its moorings in the last scene, cause it looks like it does and it also looks like they almost crack up, but it could just be me watching it with the wrong glasses). Also in this version Jane seens so much more of a wuss and seems to be a blank canvas onto which both Rochester and St. John paint their versions of Jane, which bear no likeness of her opinion of herself, though we were only told this, never really shown. Poor St. John, not taking the whole 'you're like a brother to me' with any good grace, oh dear.

So yes, points for Fassy striding around in the gear and astride a horse, and it was a beautiful, painterly film, but it ain't the tv version with Toby, which I could, and have, watched over and over again. It just works for me, but we each have our favourite versions.

Also, what was with the constant pre-Stoker attempts to goth it up even more? Twice now I've almost expected it to turn into Jane Eyre: Vampire Slayer. Yikes.

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