mockturtle (hellblazer06) wrote,

hell hath no fury

Oh, boys. You might be nazi loving schmucks, but you're gosh darn cute adorable evil nazi schmucks. I don't know or care what the lazy writers of White Collar are up to. This is my Neal and Peter.

Oh, and nice work, interwebs. I've only just seen the first ad for Game of Thrones. Now, if/when it finaly gets here, now I don't have to watch. Thanks ever so.

Clearly, there should be special circles in hell for lazy tv writers and the folks who put major omg spoilers in the H1 tags for news stories (yes, TV Guide, I am glaring at you, you schmucks).

The cigarette case of evil! Sorry, Mitchell and Webb are deconstructing the ITV Poirot. Wheeze. Chortle. Bigger tits does = evil. Well known fact.

Another well known tv fact is how gosh darn freaky Wales is. Simon Templar was in Wales in today's episode, which can only mean giant homicidal ants. I love the required pub scene where the locals muse over what beast is rampaging abroad this week, with werewolves, vampires and aliens being the most likely suspects. That's what comes of living in Wales I suppose, a greater than average chance of being munched by something nasty.

That was a reference to Doctor Who, Torchwood and Being Human, btw (though the locals really do have vampires, werewolves and aliens as the most likely suspects). Thought I should mention it after yesterday.

The elderly Boomers I work with were chattering on about Beatles memorabilia and I was smiling and nodding (and sneaking looks on ebay on my phone) and then, to add in my two cents worth (they remember copper coins, hell, they remember shillings) I mentioned the still vexing matter of the lost Han Solo figurine.

Three aged faces craned blankly towards me. Who, they asked in all seriousness, was Han Solo?

Oh my. Talk about needing to go have a lie down. Who is Han Solo indeed. See what I have to put up with?

Oh boy. It sure is raining out there. I didn't get to type anything about the monster in the attic, but I guess I did get to watch Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer guest program Rage, and I watched lots of Supernatural and other silly tv shows.

So, Neil and Amanda. It was okay. Some songs I already had, some songs I wouldn't touch with a stick, but at least it was something to keep me company on a long, long night.

Other stuff watched, since I wasn't getting anything else done this long, wet weekend, no matter how many pages my to do list ran to, due to reasons of a hot water bottle nature, included Chuck, Supernatural, Zen (again) and Bonekickers.

Chuck, the last two episodes in series four and the last episode Fox8 played, which was the one where Roan Montgomery returns for a victory lap, and I'm so pleased because I am fond of Roan, who definitetly ers towards the Roger Moore end of the super spy spectrum, and they do indeed take the piss, but with love, and I shouldn't love this show because it's so damn silly, but I do, and I couldn't sit through an ad for a Berlin Wall doco without sniggering, having just sat through Chuck. And hey, at least it makes having had to live through the 80s worthwhile if I get the odd injoke.

I know a lot of folks don't like Chuck because of the injokes. They find them cheap and cheesy grabs for viewer nostalgia, and yes, there is that, but Chuck does them right. I giggle, I nod, I smirk, and any show that manages to imbue the phrase 'oh boy' with layers upon layers of textual and extra-textual meaning deserves some respect. Because, trust me, other shows have tried and the clunkiness is painful, absolutely painful. It's an art, and Chuck does it well, and it's not a recent phenom, because not only did Maverick do it, a lot, in the black and white days, but even old Bill has been known to go for the cheap laugh with a knowing wink to trhe audience. When done well, it works. And, I guess, it helps to be well versed in the same sort of crap the Chuck writers are into. Even the whole Sarah not getting any Star Wars jokes was funny, because it reminded me so much of having jokes fall flat in front of po faced folks all the time.

So, after some rather painfully obvious obstacles, Chuck finally got his Sarah and since I've been shipping them since episode one, I was happy. And cute reboot. I mean, obvious, but cute and organic all the same. Also, Timothy Dalton rules.

Nobody ever mentions Bryce any more. Talk about yeserday's man. I guess the better man did win, after all.

Still with silly shows, I finally caught up on disk 2 of Bonekickers. It should have been cool, but, for some reason, archaeology shows always swerve into 'too silly' territory very, very quickly and before you can say Area 51 or Dan Brown they're off battling Scooby Doo monsters or homicidal templars (beware the Inebriati!). Sigh.

So, yes, the scripts are clunky, yet have some great lines, like the one about the Prof being inappropriate with the fertility symbols, or leaving the metal detectorist buried with his watch on to give one of his ilk a thrill in a hundred years time. What made the show fun for me was just watching Hugh Bonneville roll through the show playing a boozy, lecherous old archaelogy professor that was so spot on I was always weeping with laughter whenever he walked on (clearly I stumbled upon a well known trope in my university days).

And, for all the behind the scenes problems, it wasn't that bad. At least in the episode where they uncover the WWI tank, they pause to remember the horror and brutalitry of war and acknowledge that this is living memory (well, it was when it was made), not history yet, and that the men who died where somebody's father, somebody's son, etc. Thank you, Bonekickers. Thank you for remembering it's not all about treasures and maps and secret codes. Okay, yes, the rest of the episode was silly, and all about maps and secret codes, but at least they took a moment. I don't need it po faced, but, getting old and crotchedy as I am, I feel care should be taken with events in living memory.

Anyhoo, much ado with the silly conspiracies and secret organisations ('masons with knobs on' being another choice quote) but, again, worth it for Hugh, the shots of Bath and Wells and they did try to keep it interesting and vaguely academic. I was certainly looking up a few things mentioned in passing, which is always a good sign.

One of those shows that misfired, but could have come good in series two with a bit of revision. We'll never know now. I know it was pilloried, but it wasn't that bad (seen worse). And for a wet afternoon spent sick in bed, it'll do.

As for seen worse, there was an episode of MacGyver which popped up on Fox Classics at lunch time (it's all over the place, on half a dozen different channels now) which was only noteable for the Terry Nation-ness of it all, and the Peanut Gallery making the most wicked and pithy asides thoroughout. Alas, you had to be there, but I damn nearly snorted my tea out of my nose.

And hey with the way too accurate bomb making instructions. They only left out a couple of things (well, one, actually, but I don't want to sound like I know anything) and I suppose they weren't thinking how easy it'd bee to look it up on the interwebs back then, unless of course MI6 has got into the websites again. Phosphate, flour, glace cherries..damn!

Btw, speaking of silly treasure hunts and idiot macguffins, just to prove that's it's not just me whining, this review of White Collar laments:
The second season could have been a triumph, but the writers spoiled it with an uninspired MacGuffin and then elaborates:
While the first season lacked enough direction in its overarching plot, the second season chose the wrong direction by opting for one of the most overused sources of MacGuffins in all of television and film history: Nazi Germany. Considering the show is one of the few on TV that gets to deal with really clever, modern ways to steal money, art, and anything else of value, it's unfortunate to see them resort to sunken Nazi treasure as the season's big score. The writers could just have easily gone for new technology, electric bonds on a hard drive, or anywhere – but they went back to Nazis.

I mean, fer serious, this was a tired old plot in the 60s, and they didn't do anything new with it. Badly done, White Collar, badly done.

Ah well. Simon was after the murderers of an artist who turned out to be wicked record producers using some guru as a front in Monday's episode of The Saint. If the episode could have been any more late 60s I'd like to know how - giggle, snort. Mind you, by this stage, instead of being a hip young thing, Simon has adopted the air of grumpy and disapproving old guard, ie squaresville, man. Sigh.

And, since I'm still on shows stuck in the 60s, or remakes of 60s shows, but at least they're honest and up front about it, unlike It Takes a...I mean, White Collar. Ahem.

So, Hawaii Five-0. Okay, I know I missed a few episodes while messing about with my photography course (it wasn't on at the same time, it was just that after running about like a blue arsed fly all weekend, by the time H50 came on I was Zzzzzz, like the complete nana I am), but are like Steve and Danny together? Like together together? Because, I have to say, I've not seen such heartfelt PDAs from any more traditional boy/girl pairing on telly of late. Not even close. I mean, I love it, and if it was a British show I wouldn't even ask, but, are they? Like together?

Cool if they were, but I doubt US network telly is ready to go there just yet. And who cares, really. All I can say is, after watching that episode, I'm expecting a happy announcement next week - grin.

British telly? Well, I liked the Doctor Who final, or whatever it was. I'd heard such an uproar I didn't dare peek, so I've still no idea what they were complaining about. No doubt they've shredded some canon with the whole River thing, but, honestly, I'd had my suspicions since the last series, wondering if the water feature theme meant anything or not.

And never mind that, I just loved the Doctor's rag tag dirty dozen magnificent seven gang that popped in to save the day. Loved them to absolute bits. Here, in one episode, were more characters with intriguing back stories and dripping hints of smashing adventures past than in several whole seasons of other shows. Loved the Sontaran nurse, even if it was a rather clumsy juxtaposition with Rory, still loved. Dorium (sniffle) I adored to bits. And as for Madame Kovarian and Jenny, a 19thC crime fighting Silurian and her human companion, well, perfection. It was like they'd dropped in from an old Vertigo comic. In fact, the whole thing screamed it. And I can't believe they got away with that filthy line in a so called kid's show. Filth, filth, filth - grin.

Kind of amusing that British kid's shows can be far more ribald than American network shows, but it was ever thus (and certainly when I was a kid, oh my, yes, I was treated to things they still dare not mention in the US - smirk).

But yeah, I liked it. I guess I'm just not enough of an Doctor Who nerd (sweet mercies) to know or care what the big kerfuffle was about.

Alas, Primeval, not so cool ('jumped the plesiosaur, sniffs the Peanut Gallery in passing). It should be cool, because, hell, it's got dinosaurs in it, but somehow, the writing has never proven equal to the task of wedging plotz between the dino bits. Charaterisation is flimsy, at best, and wildly inconsistent. I mean, there's the oh so annoying Abby (and if they're making her the star I am so out of here because I loathe the moody bitch and loathe her double again for always treating poor Connor like a dishrag, but I digress) who has put people in real and actual and immediate danger with her militant PETA ways re whatever ravenous dino of the week is bearing down on them. This has been a very sore point with me, especially when she very nearly got the very lovely Becker eaten on several occassions, but then there was last week's ep where Ms PETA 2010 drowned a live dino and sent the poor, drowning, panicking creature out the torpedo tube to be eaten alive by another dino and then high fived as the poor cgi creature's still sentient head bobbed past the port windows. WTF? Even I, miserable animal that I am, thought the computer generated creature's struggles and death were a bit much, and Abby, who, if she had given her usual lecture at this point, I would have actually agreed with for once, but no, she's too busy high fiving.

So I've pretty much lost all interest in the show now. Not enough Becker, Connor caught up in a story arc I don't like, a complete waste of Ciarán McMenamin and Abby being intensely annoying every single second. Grump.

Not even Ben Miller is reason enough to watch these days. No Armstrong and Miller on tv, but there are Mitchell and Webb repeats. They did a pisstake of Lazy Writers doing an American courtroom/cop drama (Speedo) that was so spot on, so laceratingly funny, I nearly died. That. Everything I needed to, and wanted to say. Just that: That Mitchell And Webb Look - Television Tropes & Idioms

Also watched Smallville, which had creepy exploding toys and seemed to have been entirely ghost written by Dennis Spooner, and since Dennis is dead, I'm not sure how it is possible but we were both sitting there thinking it could not get any more Dennis if it tried. I wonder again if BC isn't taping old Dennis plotz together and posting them to Smallville, because every few episodes or so I have a Dennis de ja vu moment. Either that or someone on the writing team is a fan.

And finally, Supernatural. Well, Eleven played two episodes last night, and had I not been so slow off the mark, I would have missed the second one (how long have they been doubling up? I've been missing Supernatural too, due to stuff) but it's still in the stuffing Sam's soul back into Sam arc, though, seeing how the whole Cas vs Crowley thing turns out, it's cute to rewatch it now that I know that Cas is being shifty and twitchy and stonewalling and moody and tetchy and difficult and secretive for reasons of his own personal agenda.

I mean, I knew Cas was up to something, and even after being spoiled rotten, the ending still managed to be surprising and shocking, how all of Cas's good intentions led straight on a flaming path downwards and how hell hath no fury like an angel scorned. I don't know why I found Cas's 'kneel before Zod' moment shocking, since it had been long telegraphed, and yet I still did, because, you know, I kept thinking they'd weasel out of it somehow, but no, they went there.

Well, I guess Cas was going to get Dean down on his knees one way or another - grin. I mean, seriously, that was like a major part of it, right, the way Dean turned away from him? I just wondered because while I was amused at first at the whole subtext rapidly becoming text bit with Cas and Dean, with the two boys carrying on so, but then it really, seriously became a catasrophic breakup with a bunny boiling fallen angel. Ooops.

I mean, am I watching it wrong? I know there things said about free will and destiny, but it all seemed to come down to Dean's rejection, and the way Cas finally started to go after, or rather, let others go after, the other people in Dean's life, removing them one by one (Lisa, Ben, Sam). I mean, I'm not wrong about the whole bunny boiling thing, surely.

Not to mention the way Dean looks when he realises, or rather, can no longer deny, that Cas is lying to him. You can see the precise moment his little heart breaks. Seriously, it's all about Dean and Cas and love gone wrong. I mean, Cas might say he had higher motives, but everyone knew how besotted he was, and commented upon it, mocked it, all the time, and used it against him, so much so that I wouldn't be surprised if it had been a set up from the start. Or maybe it wasn't supposed to go like this, with Cas getting some crazy thing for a boy called Dean. But he did, and Dean's loss of faith, of trust, so heart breaking.

Seriously, I love Supernatural right now. I love this story and I love the way they didn't shy away from the electrical undercurrents that seem to have pushed characters into some very bad decisions indeed. I can't wait to see how S7 goes forth, now Dean has one very pissed off and powerful ex BFF to deal with. Ah well, you know what they say, you only hurt the one you love.

I love this show so much right now. I know it's kind of obvious and even a bit familiar if you've read Hellblazer, but I love it so much. and Cas, you big heartbroken evil magnificent bastard, you. Whoo!

Now that, children, is how you do a season finale.

In other news? No typing or anything else, and I'm going to have to be online all night to catch up (grumble). Time Team is back on telly (too soon after watching Bonekickers, heh) and well, I really did sort of sat up watching tv while being quite unhappy and precious little else. Couldn't read or write or sort socks. Made the parrots cranky because I wasn't down in the kitchen to be at their beck and call all day. Did catch up on several week's worth of ironing. Yay me. I had other silly things to say but alas, poor old swiss cheese head.

William Shatner is playing a conflicted con man on Big Valley. Does he pull off the big one, or will the love of a good man turn him straight? Heh. Bonus points fotr the 'gonna need a lawyer' line at the end. Squillion points for Bill. That's what what I needed, some Shatman in my life. And he had a lucky coin, which he used to trip the safe alarm. Every thief needs a lucky coin.

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Tags: alexander skarsgard, bonekickers, chris gorham, chuck, doctor who, hawaii five-0, magazine scans, matthew bomer, neil gaiman, supernatural, the saint, white collar

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