No, this is a regional gallery so it'll be wall to wall Hyacinth Buckets, hence my very best Aunt wear (ie, vetted by Aunts). It's a vaguely terrifying prospect, being plunged into a seething nest of Hyacinths. I mean, Jane Austen squeezed several books out of that very horror. But one must, if one wants to appear open to invitations and social dos.
I'm just so sure I'll spill something, say something or trip over something. This isn't mere hyperbole, I have serious form in this area. To give but one example, there was the party were the prized and expensive confection of a cake was placed at the edge of a table for all to admire. Unbeknownst to me it was perched on the edge of one of those tables with swing out panels (hidden by a tablecloth), so as I duly leant in to admire the cake I must have rested slightly on the table (I've no idea why but if I was in pinch toe party shoes I was probably leaning on everything that night) and, well, you can imagine. Click. Flop. Splat. Silence.
To this very day everyone thinks I did it out of malice, rather than it being nothing but a horrible confluence of aching feet, shoddy substandard not fit for purpose furniture, poor cake positioning and bad luck.
But there you go. This is why I never get the invites. This is why I'm determined to be good and therein lies the trouble. The road to hell is landscape gardened with my best intentions. Sigh.
Also, that work I was doing, the work I missed Milo for, is all for nowt as they're having a cabinet resfuffle this morning. Sigh. Oh bollocks, it's all gone pearshaped. Sigh. All the blood, sweat and tears and no Milo for nothing.
And I can't even get hammered tonight because a) I'm meant to be on my best behavior in front of the mased Hyacinths and b) I've got to get up early (aka my usual hour) for stuff. Sigh.
Oh yeah, why am I worrying again? A few more of these dos and I'll be buying my own lavender cardigans. Bad enough the telly I watch these days is all false teeth and funeral plans in the ad breaks, no longer tampons. Sigh.
Oh yeah, also missing Wire in the Blood tonight. But damn...
England's county quirks revealed
"Bones" brushes up on foreign affairs
Top Gear's big guns to take live show on £20m world tour
"Iron Man" Tokyo Press Conference
Telluride. Flame & Citron.
17 Pop-Culture Questions for David Boreanaz!
Catching Up with David Boreanaz of 'Bones'
Robert Downey Jr
Going back to a simpler time
JPN: "Iron Man" Press Conference
Robert Downey Jr. Falls Deeper Down The Mustache Hole
Fans wait hours to meet favourite Heroes
Uh oh, the b-tards got their hands on Google's Chrome comic
ABC LOM trailer
Jack Davenport Disco Dancing in Swingtown
La Machine: Giant spider brings Liverpool to standstill
You Are Guinness
You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.