It's not enough, I swear. This is one of the worst, most bladly acted, completely idiot fillums I've sat through in ages. Since the 90s, pretty much.
Anyway, I undersand that in picture posts such as this it's tradition to provide some sort of description of the plot. Tricky, as there isn't one. Basically, a bunch of Brits, a gang of Yanks and two teams of Germans are all after this stash of dead Dutch loot, they all blow the shit out of each other and it's all played for laughs, apparently. Such jolly japes. Meanwhile, the two lead Germans seem to have a bitter falling out of a deeply personal nature. I'm thinking bad breakup, myself. I would have rather watched that film, but never mind.
So without further adieu, I present to you the story of a wartime romance gone wrong...
Here is my boy, apparently suffering from 'roids as he never, ever sits down in the back of the staff car as he's beeing driven hither and yon about Europe. Either that or it has no back seat. They are losing the war at this point, after all.
And here is her boy, as always, proving irresistable to just about everyone. Although the chick here has been hired for the occassion
Apparently the bad breakup involves The Lovely Alexander (TLA) being shipped to the Russian front, and now he's back, having gone AWOL across Europe. "Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye, you think I'd crumble, you think I'd lay down and die..."
Still life with Alex. Random exposition pretty (stolen loot blah blah blah). TLA gets all the best closeups and painterly scenes.
Meanwhile, here's Sean Pertwee, on his covert mission, strolling across an open field in war torn Europe. I think he must have been sick that day at covert ops, because it's not very sneaky, imho.
Never mind, there's Rafe to rescue his man and carry him into cover (heroic Sgt Sean had been shot up in an earlier engagement with random Nazis).
Back to my boy. Playing dress ups.
More angsting over the bad breakup. There's hurt on both sides.
The rebound is no match for TLA
Who is still angsting over his platinum babe (and terrifying comedy sidekick in the process)
Sulk, sulk, pout, pout, woe
He writes Kessler another stalky letter (well, he's travelled halfway across Europe for him).
My boy has picked up the dumped comedy sidekick, so he knows his honey is back in town
But doesn't like others to talk about it
He reads his ex honey's letter (not really, but there's no plot to speak of so it's diy at this point)
Sulk, sulk, pout, pout, woe
Pretty Bond-like shot. Not sure about the paperwight fetish.
Back in the car again (no idea why, I think there were supposed to be captins to explain the jumps, she says, kindly)
And yes, lighting up. No smoke rings this time around, alas
Meanwhile, TLA is no posing as an American GI Joe with six stock phrases he learnt from the movies
Amusingly, when he pretends to be an American soldier, suddenly he starts looking like Brad
Meanwhile, Sean has passed out from boredom
But he has a toy surprise
Still unable to sit down, oh dear
My boy susses he's not the only one there at the sekrit underground loot stash
At last, our two estranged lovers meet, and proceed to tussle. The dialogue, and I kid you not, runs to "How could you do this to me!" and "We were like brothers!" - so the bad break up.
My boy gets the drop on TLA, though
Then goes hunting Britishers. Lots of gun acting.
TLA, dazed and confused, has enough wits to keep playing an American (and thus effect his escape)
My boy meanwhile has been locked in with the loot
Most of which goes boom, with my boy (weep, and unfair, because he was just about the only one in the film following orders aside from the Brit Cpl wot also got killed)
So the remaining Brits and Germans fly off with some of the loot, which, after the war, TLA, with his new squeeze, rob, so he gets the loot afterall. Finis. (What, no residulal angst about his blondie bear?)
Random pretty from the extras:
Laurence demonstrates his kung fu moves. No, really.
And that's it. One sucky film with occassional eye candy. But if anyone wants to write me some Kessler/Voller I wouldn't say no.