mockturtle (hellblazer06) wrote,

The Biehn Project: Asteroid

Managed to sneak out at lunchtime to do some more Xmas shopping, not that I didn't get severely scolded when I got back. I must have munched enough dark chocolate because I managed to fight through the crowds and stagger back under my burden without snapping once, though next time I'm wearing my DM's, unkind comments be dammed (and I'll probably need something stronger than a choccie bar). Those bitches and their enormous steel prams keep gouging my ankles - the only bony part I inherited from my mother's side. Gosh, but it was a madhouse. I guess everyone decided to shop yesterday instead of today to avoid the alleged chaos.

I just hope the people on the receiving end of my rushed gift buying understand that although the end result is pretty much the same, to me there's an enormous gulf of difference between 'I don't care and I picked up the first thing that came to hand at the local shops at the last minute' and 'I tried to get into the city to do my shopping, I've been trying since November, but my evil masters keep me chained at my desk and it's too late now to order over the net but I still love you and so I got this at the only store open past 5pm'. Yeah, like they'll understand.

Didn't even get home in time for Buffy - the evening session, not the afternoon one. It was the Groundhog day one - it has it's moments, especially the dissing of Roger Moore which is unkind (if deserved), especially as I've just indulged in a Saint dvd or two. Hey, it was a very, very warmly received gift voucher (okay, and some holiday money), and I figure since work is keeping me chained here until I can't afford the airfares for another year (they double if not triple in the high season) and they have dvds in those detention centres I might as well have some fun dvds in my own detention centre.

I did get home for, and stalked out the door for - not that there was anyone left at work to see it - the movie of the night, thus missing Angel, but it was a Drop Dead Fred episode anyway.

The Biehn Project: Asteroid. Those crappy movie channels are paying off. Two Biehn flicks in one week. Okay, bad, bad movies but we're only tuning in for the eye candy here so I'm happy.

Asteroid is your typical disaster of the week tv movie, so it was no better or worse than its aspirations, and it did feature a cast of 'isn't that the guy from's', so it wasn't all bad. And Michael was looking absolutely gorgeous and wearing oh so tight jeans which he generously kept bending over tables n stuff in so I was a very happy girlie.

Michael Biehn in Asteroid pic nicked from

It starts off with the standard shot of asteroids hurtling towards earth. I start singing a chorus of "Save Me", and continue to do so everytime we get a shot that screams Smallville. I also fall about when they give us the old Stargate money shot of Cheyenne Mountain. It's so silly but it amuses me greatly. Especially as the next line is "Jack...". Okay, cheap thrills here, and yes, I did finish off that bottle of not so cheap red.

Also in the cast is a floppy haired Michael Weatherly. How amusing. Okay, anyone who hasn't been in a James Cameron production, leave the scene. Hey, they're still standing there. Okay, anyone who hasn't boinked one of the chicks from Dark Angel, leave the scene. Lookit, the boys are still there. Good thing it wasn't the same chick or things could have been interesting. And it's now one degree between Magnificent Seven and Young Riders, and don't think for a minute that I wouldn't notice. Noah was always so much prettier than Nathan, imho.

Okay so the plot is bits of asteroid are slamming into the States, and other parts of the world but they so don't care and I'm not sure chunks could hit the US, Australia and Germany in a 12 hour window but I might be wrong. Basically, in typical disaster movie style its about a lot of Yanks running around being really selfish and putting their own needs above everything else, like the co-dependent wife of the firefighter who whines endlessly everytime her husband has to pay attention to his job instead of her. Jaysus, lady, grab a couple of valiums and a milk bottle and leave the poor guy alone to do his duty.

Mikey-babe plays the head of some disaster relief agency only he seems to have the worst organisational skills or sense of priority and even delegation I've ever seen - which is of course why they made him the manager. Must not be able to organise own way out of a wet paper bag must be part of the job description. Either that or they do things much, much differently over there. Much useless paperwork, no ladies auxillary in a tin shed making sangers for the fellas. That firey's wife should have been out there making coffee and sandwiches, not just standing about making a nuisance of herself. Afraid of messing up her manicure, looks like.

Anyways, several rather unconvincing models get blasted by burst dams and flaming space rocks. Vale Derek Meddings, cause I think my train set looked more realistic, but I digress. Our Hero finds the time to make goo goo eyes over the idiot astronomer (and like anyone would let a small town astronomer run things) and even buy off her son with toys, and then wastes a quarter of the film rescuing said idiot child, all for a shot at getting in the boffin's pants. You know, rescuing a kid in danger, okay. Rescuing an annoying constantly whining child who wanders into flaming danger all by himself, well, it's time for some Darwinism here, because that kid was too stupid to live. Really. Hey, mummy, I'll just go and play in the flaming crater. Yeah, right. Still, more Michael crawling about in jeans, so, you know, still watching.

So that was it. Much speechifying at the end about all how they all came together in disaster - and I don't see how. One guy was shot by the people he was trying to help, all the key players wandered off by themselves to locate Idiot Boy, never mind their jobs or tying up resources, transport, phonelines etc. Triumph in adversity my arse. Every man for himself, it seemed more like. I know, it's just a bad movie, but really, the always necessary speech at the end hardly did justice to what had gone before.

Still, Michael's still wearing the jeans and I'm still watching, right up until the credits. ah, that were good eye candy, that were. He should wear spray on jeans more often. Yum.

  • Asteroid
  • Rings sequel opens around the world
  • Soldiering On in Epic Pursuit of Purity
  • A Hobbit-eye view of American life
  • Alexis pics



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