Steve: What is this?
Susan: It's a cushion.
Steve: Right. Yes. Thank you for that. Very informative.
Steve: You got any of these?
Steve: Of course you haven't.
[to shop assistant]
Steve: You - are you married? Living with anyone?
Junior Shop Assistant: No.
Steve: Got any of these?
Junior Shop Assistant: No.
Steve: Of course not. Okay!
[to the women]
Steve: You bring these things into our homes. They sit on our chairs. They watch our televisions. Now, I just need to know, on behalf of all men everywhere, I just need to ask, please... What are they for? I mean, look at them! Look at the chubby little bastards! Just sitting around everywhere! What are they, pets for chairs?
[to shop assistants]
Steve: Come on, you sell them. What are they for?
Junior Shop Assistant: Well...
Senior Shop Assistant: You sit on them.
Steve: Ah! Ha ha ha! You see, that's where you're wrong! Nobody sits on them. Okay, watch this. Here's the cushion. I'm putting it on the sofa. Now watch me. I'm sitting down. And what do I do on my final approach? I - oh! - move the cushion! You see? It's not involved! It's not part of the whole sitting process. It just lies there. It's fat litter! It's a sofa parasite!
Jane: It's, you know... padding.
Steve: Oh, padding! Now, that's interesting, Jane. See, I like padding. If I was, say, an American Football player, and all those big bastards running at me, I would say "give me some of that padding and be quick about it." If my job involved bouncing down jagged rocks I would say "in view of those jagged rocks down there, I'll have some of that padding, thank you very much." But Susan, Sally, Jane, this is a sofa. It is designed by clever scientists in such a way as to shield the unprotected user from the risk of skin abrasions, serious head trauma, and, of course...
[drops behind sofa, then sticks head out]
Steve: Daleks. Trust me girls, trust me on this one: you do not need padding to tackle upholstery. So please - once and for all, tell me why on Earth you would want me to sit on one of these?
Susan: Because, if you pressed it firmly against your bottom, it might stop you talking!
Looks like I might need to invest in more cushions. Not just to shut up, but for their world reknowned Dalek rebuffing properties. Just a thought. (Guess who's on telly this Sat?)
And an additional swooney thought for Jack Davenport, the main and possibly only reason I'd consider a four hour round trip to see Pirates (everything else this year has been tv or dvd only). Jack. Mmmmmm....
No spending half the day replying to indepth and footnoted (ye gods) analysis of Sam and Gene. Sigh. But I was writing. All these discussion help to inspire, remind and make me see new things and in new ways. However, given that one of my dear correspondents wasn't sure how to take being compared to a vat of chocolate I'll refrain from comparing them to, well, bran flakes, but we are somewhat unblocked in the writing department. I feel slightly more confident now that I am not "watching another programme" and my ideas will fly (or at least hover for a bit).
I totally rock. I just got an insane 555,625kb pdf down to 771kb. Behold my mighty data compression powers. Okay, sure, there was some quality loss, but if jerks are going to send me files that big, they can just bite me.
But then my smugness was shortlived. All the office divas have been around today. It's days like these I really need a set of drawers with a bottle of scotch hidden in the bottom one.
Re-watched Quatermass last night. I love how wee Dave nearly skids and falls over at one stage. Well, it is kind of trainwreck tv. Lots of fuffeling of lions and prop dropping. As with the 50s ones, to be fair. The Peanut Gallery whined that the fuffeling of lions was so bad he had to turn the subtitles on, just to know what they were talking aboot.
Speaking of subtitles, etc, sometimes I regret that my fave shows lack foreign language tracks. Stargate is hilarious in German. It all starts sounding like Hogan's Heroes. Yes, I am easily amused, and I really don't have time for such malarky any more, but back in the day when I was actually home in daylight and had few dvds to play, I used to put it on while I worked.
But anyway, it's late, the currawongs are singing as the sun sets (it might rain, they say) and the buses are grumbling away beneath me.
COUPLING SLANG QUIZ
Memorable Quotes from "Coupling" (2000)
Little girl lost wakes up in a whole new star system
Backlash against plastic surgery
A pirate's life is good for Depp
'Wilder, madder, gayer than a Beatle's hairdo'
Time travel in fiction
Axe 'stupid' Big Brother, says Howard
Rabbit mutilator jailed
Victim's brain 'rewires itself'
Keith Richards to join Pirates
Kaitaia Fire - Hot Chili Sauce
Darkly Dreaming Dexter (Paperback)
Showtime Looks to Make a Killing with 'Dexter'
Rhys Meyers in Tudor Dublin ... (Mimsey, is this what they were filming when you were there?)
'Playing Henry VIII is an honour', says Rhys-Meyers
Rhys-Meyers Is Henry the 8th, He Is
Rhys-Meyers set to play Henry VIII
The Tudors (2006) (TV)
THE TUDORS coming to Showtime (US only)
'They disciplined him until he died'
A glimpse of Greece in Bologna
Woman wakes with new accents
A celebration of science in the UK: 10 Britons who shaped our world