Smallville: Don't shoot shoot shoot your gun at me. All day I've been humming it, all day long I've been waiting for it. It's the only thing that's kept me going through a particulary crappy day at work. The lowlight thereof not being told to go back to the drawing board for my new design (though it is very close to an award winning Intranet design, I discovered yesterday). No, it was not being able to install that shitbox cdrw on my work PC either. Neither could any of the IT guys, in case you think I'm too stupid to deserve it. Certainly the gods don't think I deserve it.My web pages are doomed to languish across over 50 zip disks, ditto my MB pic collection. Thou shalt not have backups or swap shiny cds of cool stuff.
Thou shalt not see gun happy Lex hosing down Clark with the uzi, either, apparently. EvilCh9 doles out our September episode of Smallville (now make it last because that's all you'll be getting), chopped to incomprehensible ribbons again. Not that the plots are that great to start with, but please. The episode formerly known as Hug. It starts with a clumsy blackout in place of the comedy death of the guy landing on the taxi. It ends sans almost the entire piece of Lex gleefully shooting at Clark with his lil uzi. "Hey, I saw you get shot," Kyle the crazy hermit merde work metal sculpter says to Clark. Good for him - we didn't. One minute Lex has Clark in his sights, the next it's all over, lex is out cold and Kyle is apologising for the dead guy at his feet.
Still, we do get the sunset in the barn scene and the breathless declaration that their friendship will be the stuff of legend. It's lurve, lurve, lurve. Okay, so maybe I won't be bombing Ch9 afterall. I'll just be sending them funny white itching powder instead, because, dammit, they're pissing me off. I know one can't really argue for the integrity of the piece when talking Smallville, but it's the principal of the thing. How can I possibly write fic - in my version Lex never shot at Clark, he just had one of those sudden narcoleptic episodes he has in the CH9 versions - you never see poor Lex smacked over the back of the head, he's just always curiously slumped to the floor in the next scene.
Okay, the highlights EvilCH9 did allow us to see: Lex blowing on his coffee. Clark hanging out with Lex, all cosy in the coffee shop, a lot. Clark going to Lex for BIG favours every 5 seconds - fleets of lawyers, unlicenced doctors. Sometime soon Clark's going to have to start paying up for Lex's services, if he ain't already. Clark and Chloe's uncomfortable kiss - eeew, girl germs. Note Clark is never comfortable around Chloe or Lana. Only with Lex does the boy relax and flirt and smile and lean close and whisper, holding Lex's eyes...ahem. Clark's constant little speeches about having to hide his true self - metaphor much? Lotsa Clark/Lex goodness, but bad, bad Ch9 for cutting out gun happy Lex. Bad CH9, no biscuit.
Enterprise: Ah, they know what I like. And then all their clothes fell off, but it's all done in the best possible taste! The two boys are stripped to their undies and tied together in a cellar. Trip and Mal this time. That Trip, such a slut. It's the shore leave episode but instead of being chased by giant rabbits - gotta love the drugs they were on in the 60s - the gang are doing the entire gormless tourist bit. It's kinda cute but I can see most fans grinding their teeth. It rather reminds me of an American Express ad warning of the perils of naughty foreigners and their thieving ways. And Phlox doesn't get up any better than I do, apparently. It could have been dire but the actor manages to stop just dead on the line into panto, just about.