My hour for tea is half-past five, and my buttered toast waits for nobody.

Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me if you made me angry
Thrillseekers, or, to put it in modern American parlance, Jackass, or to elaborate, if I've told them once I've told them a dozen times that stealing milk from a pre-menstral woman in desperate need of a nice hot cup of tea in akin to climbing in a polar bear's cage, but do they ever listen? Do they what., and then they have the bald faced cheek to look at me blanky and swear they thought the milk in the fridge was for free. I might be a commie but that doesn't extend to sharing my milk with people whose cups I wouldn't spit in, especially not at the prices they charge for milk at the nearest shops. I could buy my own cow for that. Hmph.

Have you ever noticed I get really Scottish when I get peeved? I swear it's genetic.

Had a dream last night where my mother had me and arrested and brought home for just trying to go out to the city for a day. Sadly, not too far from the truth as I lied and said I'd been working back late, which I have for weeks anyway, but I'd really skipped out at afternoon tea time to go see Ned Kelly.

I liked it, but I didn't love it. I guess it had been talked up a bit by friends and critics and I guess I know the story a little too well and my biggest nit pick was the choice of the fictional bit of Lady Chatterly which went nowhere, over Ned's apprenticeship with Harry Powers, which I would have liked to have seen. It did seem to go fast, too, skipping over main events and not even identifying the towns or lingering over the great holdups. I mean, come on, part of Ned's legend is how he held up whole towns with charm, wit and manners. Everyone loves a charming rogue. The other things that annoyed me was that it seemed to be part wildlife doco for the tourists, with mystifying cutaways to horny rainbow lorikeets about to get it on (they always are, you know), fer starters. Ned's just killed Peter Phelps, and not before time imho, and here are some cute parrots, now back to the action (why do we a love a cop killer? Because the NSW & Victorian police forces remain brutal, dangerous and exceedingly corrupt to this day, qv Roger Rogerson et al). And what film did Rachel Griffiths think she was in? She was bloody awful, playing some panto queen or the grand old Aunt from the Importance of Being Earnest. You know the one: "A handbag?!" What the hell was she thinking. Cringingly bad. Thank god Orlando shut her up (Joe is quite the root bandit in this film). Heath was excellent, Orlando looked like a little leprechaun and I can add Orly to my actors in drag list now, alas. Jonathan had a very small role, but there he was, always larger than life, and whoo, my call sheet is from the seige at Glenrowan. I'll ebay that after I get retrenched. Still, the final gun battle was good, but the ending was a total cop out. No Ned hanging, no dead Joe pinned to a door. I was hoping they'd include that iconic image just to upset the kiddies, but I guess not. Shrug. It is history, but not for a movie aimed at foreign weeny boppers, I guess.

Happily I get home in time to watch E! courageously cross live to a well lubricated Colin Farrell. Think what you like about Colin, he's always good value. We thought they should have a little counter in the corner ala South Park as Colin liberally drops fucks all over the place on US telly, as in "Fuck, I fucking swore, oh fuck..." God love Colin, even as people literally tried to gag the boy. We need to send in some Aussie shock troops to support Colin in his offensive offensive. Californians are so prissy, stuck up, uptight and political correct and Colin is our Winston Smith, reminding everybody what it's like to just have fun. Go, Colin, Go!

After that I watched last night's Buffy and yes, it was the one where poor Jonathan gets it and I'd been totally spoiled on that plot development but I hadn't expected it to be s poignant. Jonathan finally reaches that place where he's happy with himself and he gets skewered from behind by his so called friend with a big sword. Okay, over identify much? I was very upset and had to watch a bit of Lovejoy and Colin Firth in some ancient Ruth Rendell mystery before I could breathe again. Oh, it was also the episode where Tara refused to show up and be evil, yay Tara, Spike is evil and Buffy whines and Dawn screams - same old, though the haunting was chilling - my room is like that most nights, and I don't just mean mess wise, though that was a pretty accurate depiction, too.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'....

Alexi Sayle