mockturtle (hellblazer06) wrote,

  • Mood:

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room

I should have written before now, like this morning while I was having my brekkie and watching the birdies and the dawn break from my desk. Then I was content with the world. I had my coco pops and a nice hot cup of tea. Oh yeah, the coco pops. Er, um, I was just trying to get at the free JLA dvd, and now I have a huge box of coco pops to munch through. I'll manage, somehow. Oh, the struggle. Not.

Btw, speaking of desk, I'll be working two days in the city a week so there'll be no scans or updates or bored chatting on those days because it's not set up like that, nor will I be posting in the evening because after a 14-16 hour day with a 4 hour commute, well, ack. That is if I don't stay in the city and do stuff.

This will be good for me, I think, in theory. I only fret because I know for a fact many folks have only friended me for the scans and if I cease to deliver they'll go elsewhere, like the forty or so folks who abandoned my list over the weekend. Now a secure person wouldn't give a stuff but I'm anything but. I never have friends unless I have a multisystem vcr or dvd player and the moment someone else gets one, I'm all alone again - think Lisa Simpson and the swimming pool. That's it, exactly.

So people pay attention to me because I scan, so I scan, scan, scan. Ive not written a thing this year because I'm scanning. I've spent over $100 this month on magazines, but I don't care because I'm scanning. It's like that Danish butcher in that weird film: he kept chopping up people because he thought that's what the customers wanted, and he was popular for the first time in his life. It's so hard to stop.

Because being an outcast is never as cool as it looks on tv.

So, anyway, that's my thing this week. So feeble, so trivial, but there it is. I scan therefore I am. At least I understand Willow, why she did what she did, why she never wanted to go back to being just Willow. Well, not until it got too dark and crazy, and too late.

So I nearly sabotaged my career for the sake of scanning. But it's okay. I'm gonna cut down. Somehow, I'll deal with cutting back on the lj and lj friends. I really should, anyway. I only started mucking about and reading my lj when work was just so awful. It was a great comfort.

I guess at least I'm needed at work, though it's more a case of being the last little indian left. All the talented folk have left so they're stuck with me. I guess I really should start brushing up the skills again. Unhappily I'm not a talented person, it's all sweat and swearing just to appear competent. Darn, hard work, and lots of it. And close adult supervision. Moop. The one, the only good thing about Fearless Leader was that he was rarely in the office.

In other sad news, my lil Liberty Bear has luurrrrved New York for the last time. Either a book fell on him, or he'd been pre-loved a little too much because his battery went flat after no more than two dozen plays, whereas the blinky bike lights I have on my backpack have been going for years on shitty little watch batteries. Weep. Pout.

Sure, I could gut him and try and replace it, but, like, issues, man. When I was a wee thing, no more than one or two, I had a musical bear, and mother drowned the bear in the washer and when I howled and howled now that bear, put through the spin cycle, was broke, floppy and sans eyes and nose and no longer played she gutted him and threw the sound box at me. Dad did fix the little tiny musical box, or it dried out, and I kept them seperately, but, well, issues. I am never, ever gonna have kids, cause that mean gene stops here.

So, there will be no gutting of the bear. But I'm miserable, because I loved him so much, I wanted to record him. He was so darn cute, and he lurrrrved New York (and so do I). Oh well.

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